How Aligning Your Priorities Can Help You Say No With Love by Chelene Knight
The first time I said no to a misaligned writing opportunity I felt an indescribable energy move through my body. I was suddenly powerful and in control of my creative realm for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, saying no was not immediate or easy and it didn’t happen without a lot of preparation, building of methods, and of course, prioritizing. But when I finally hit a ceiling for taking on projects I didn’t want, or worse, projects that didn’t align, I knew the time had come to create a new more intentional path for myself. That “no” was just the beginning of a movement.
Saying no to that project allowed me to spend time dreaming and plotting the creative life that I wanted for myself—the life where I could actually schedule my days based on energy, automate admin tasks, build processes and workflows and choose who I wanted to work with. The creative life that I was told I couldn’t have or didn’t exist. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t resist the template, push the narrative and challenge myself as a writer and as an entrepreneur.
Before saying no with love (or saying yes with conditions) I asked myself five questions:
Do I really want to say yes to this? If so, why?
Does this fit into my current set of priorities?
Is this project going to give me energy or take from my energy?
Can I set aside the necessary time to complete the project and with a sense of joy?
Will this project allow me to show up as my authentic self?
Asking myself the above questions was the catalyst for the Breathing Space Creative annual priorities alignment workshop which now has already seen hundreds of participants. This workshop uses very similar questions as reflective opportunities to explore who we are, what we want, and how we want to show up in our lives. When we have clear priorities and create ways to simply “touch” these priorities on a daily basis, we can’t help but build an intimate relationship with the business side of being a writer.
None of this saying no with love stuff comes without risks. I used to make decisions based solely on money. Saying yes to things out of fear of no one asking you again. It’s not easy to say no when you are simply trying to make a living as a writer or as a creative in general, but taking on projects that do not align will take more from you than what you receive monetarily. This was a difficult lesson for me to learn, but an important one. We all have access to the same 24 hours a day and what you do with it is up to you, but we can control where our energy goes, even in a 9-5 job where we think we have no say. There are small things you can do in your 9-5 to change your mindset, but I’ll save that for another post!
But saying no to projects that just don’t align with who I am or my goals is exactly what frees me up to do the work I want to do; the work that fits right in with my future goals. It’s Ok to say no and you don’t have to spend a lot of time crafting the perfect answer either. Here are some super simple examples:
HOW TO SAY NO when you just do not have the time or mindset to take a project on:
"I love that you thought of me for this project and it sounds like you've got everything planned out. Unfortunately, I can't prioritize this right now, but I'd love to recommend a friend of mine [insert name and why they'd be perfect]. I hope you'll keep me in mind for future projects."
HOW TO SAY NO when you do not value the organization or your ethics and values do not align:
"Thank you for the opportunity to consider your offer. It doesn't seem as though this project aligns with what I do. Feel free to have a look at my services page and forward it to anyone else in your network who you think may be a fit."
HOW TO SAY NO when an organization (who can afford to pay your rate) asks you to work for free for exposure:
"Thank you for getting in touch. It's part of my ethical boundaries that I be paid appropriately for my work, so I will not be able to prioritize this project. For more information about economic justice, please check out my ethics page."
HOW TO SAY NO when the payment isn't up to par, or you've been asked to work for free, but the organization doesn't have a lot of funding and your values DO align:
"Thank you for the opportunity to consider this project. It's honestly right up my alley, but unfortunately, the honorarium would force me to consider this project at the volunteer level of which my current hours have been exhausted. Perhaps you can check back in with me in a few months when my volunteer hours have been replenished."
Using some version of the above templates can not only help remove some of the emotional labour of saying no, (yes, I see you spending hours crafting that 2-page email to say no!) but it can indirectly increase your confidence and energy too, and as writers who face nonstop rejection, a confidence boost would not go unnoticed. Saying no with love has helped me trust myself more, a lifelong journey for me. The more I slowed down to think about what I wanted, the more I started to make money.
We can force ourselves to believe that we must make all of our money directly from writing but that is not realistic for most writers (hey I got a $20.45 royalty cheque from my 2015 poetry book lol). We have to think about all the writing-adjacent things we can do where we are invited and encouraged to use our expertise and unique super powers, and even change how we show up in our 9-5’s if that’s where we are. I’ve found that I absolutely love helping writers find different ways to create balance in their lives. I teach writers how to prioritize their writing, especially when it’s not what is making them money. This is what I do now, full time. It was a risky move and there were times when I lost way more money than I made—wait, language adjustment: I invested in myself way more money than I made. But I’m still here, still pushing forward the dream no one thought was possible from where I happened to be standing. But I tell you, I look up at the view and smile and it feels good to be on this path ‘cause I know that saying no was so much more than just a pivotal first step, it was a lifestyle shift.
Chelene Knight is the author of three books. She is currently working on a commissioned book on Black self-love and joy forthcoming with HarperCollins Canada in 2023. Chelene is the founder of Breathing Space Creative.
Three ways to work with Breathing Space Creative: